#DearDiary

Dear Diary,

I feel content with the present. I’m just reminiscing about my life thus far, and although I can’t boast about epic adventures, I can say that I have lived. I have done things and made mistakes and I have come to terms with any transgressions that has taken place.

I try to live my life without regrets and I can confidently say that I do not regret anything. As this girl I once knew told me, I get my courage in the wee hours of the morning. I guess life looks better in the hazy glow of night than that of the morning, but I’ve been thinking about the progress I’ve made. Last year I was in my worst state and I lost my direction. All of the plans that I made for my future didn’t seem to be good enough and I second guessed everything. Now, I’m thinking about the relationships that I’ve had that failed or I walked out of. My most epic relationship that lasted not even a month actually taught me the most and helped my personality to blossom. I really know who I am and want to be as a person, a woman, a contributing member of society. I am thankful to all of the people involved in that wonderful disaster because I am better for it.

Although it isn’t a surprise, my “relationship” of seven odd years is apart of my definition. Although I couldn’t compromise enough to sustain that relationship, he is apart of my equation. I can say that in my own way I really love him and forever will - I would want a do over if I were allowed a choice - but I know that with everything that we have, we were headed no where.

I don’t know if this is a thank you sort of a deal, but I hope that someone reads this and feels better about something. I was a such a happy person and I gave away my bubbly disposition, but I’m here to reclaim it. It is silly to let people affect your outlook on life or yourself. I wish good things for everyone I have come across, even those who don’t wish it for me. I am going back to my beliefs that I control my own feelings, and that letting something that some insignificant person said, or think, or did affect me is giving them power.

I guess because I finally got closure, I feel like I’m winning. Everyone told me to leave a certain situation alone, but now that I finally understand it, and understand the people that were involved I can finally evolve. I am so ready to face new challenges and continue to live my life right. My life is so much like a dream and I have everything that I want and need right now, so I’m going to bask in it.

- NellyBot